A page from my thoughts

The Right Choice

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What is the right choice? What you choose to do because it’s convenient for you or the choice to obey the will of God for you?
The need to reach your goals at whatever cost or to trust God to handle your situations?

What is doing the right thing? Subjecting yourself to sin because you choose to make it right by your own standards or accepting the Word of life and living by it?

One Sunday I sat in church and the Word came catapulting from the alter like lightening in a thunder storm. I had principles but my love for others had caused me to be a silent ‘condoner’ of sin. It’s so easy to be distracted by sentiment that when sin comes in the form of love you automatically accept it with arms wide open.

You do not have to act in sin to be a sinner, accommodating it is just as bad. I didn’t realize it till God Himself pulled  the wool from my eyes, forcing me to see with a vision too clear for the myopic me.

I had become a hypocrite just by not saying anything and the wave of shame that fell upon me was heavy. I’d soiled my hands by being a compulsive helper to sentiment. I had shed the ‘anchors’ in my life early in the year, people you help but do not wish you well but I still felt drained. Another anchor came rushing in to my home but God had opened my eyes and he left before I could chase him. *phew*

This need to help everyone around me was birthed from not having helpers to save me from my painful past. I had no idea I’d been dragging the past around like a corpse on my back and these anchors I kept helping kept pulling me deeper into that abyss of hurt.
My fear of submission, a fruit borne out of evil control I had to watch my mother go through just to raise her children that cost her her life. I smell control from I mile a way and turn the tables before I’m sure about it or not.

I had spent my whole teenage life fighting for my sanity, my freedom, my life and now here I am. Saved but struggling until I re-dedicated my life that was.

You see up until recently, it had never occurred to me that I was viewing God as I did man. I kept waiting patiently for Him to deny me, reject me or take what was left of my self esteem. I shied a way from His love because I didn’t know how to receive anything but pain and stood with my back to Him for fear of loving too hard and being left out to dry. Not trusting Him enough to let go of my problems because every person who had wanted to help me turned out to be users instead who had sighted my potential but would not let me grow enough to recognize it.

Oh but boy did God show me, I got dragged into this massive bear hug and He made it clear that He loves me and all I had to do was believe it, that I may receive.
I was petrified, under so much pressure to obey but scared of being rejected, war ensued in my head and I physically became overwhelmed but it came to mind how indecision in itself is a decision, I closed my eyes and took His hand.

My life hasn’t been the same since then, my talents have been anointed and turned in to true riches, the grace upon my life is very evident and the divine speed I’m operating under is overwhelming. I pray and I get immediate results and then my gift from my Father on father’s was sight #byebyeGlasses.
I look in the mirror and I barely recognize myself, I feel so light. I have finally buried my past.
God has restored the years I have sown in tears with His love that is purer than H20

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